'Round the World with an Italian Supermodel

Normally I take a little time to learn phrases and vocabulary for the countries I visit....but being that I didn't even know I was going to be in Slovakia I didn't really prepare. I speak a bit of Russian, but the people I spoke to either didn't seem to like me speaking it or just thought it weird.

Don't recall if the pic below was in the CZ Republic or Slovakia or not. It's a good pic that illustrates how nerve-wracking something as simple as buying gas can be when you don't know the protocols. Do I pay first or after? Did he just ask me what pump again or is he asking me what kind of fuel? Ah ....--none of my credit cards work....do they accept Euros? After a while you just roll with it....stress level drops to zero (ok, not zero, but close to it) and you just bounce around like a pinball hoping you can score a few points along the way.



Other protocols were easier to understand. These guys were setting the example that it's ok to be marbly-mouth drunk in public at 3 in the afternoon. Better on the sidewalk than behind the wheel in my lane.

Oh yes....it had started pouring rain. I turned the GoPro on just in time:



Now, there could be a number of reasons why these ADVers were under the bridge....only one of which is that they were trying to get out of the rain. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but this wasn't the first group I saw seeking refuge.

Reminded me of the first obscene storm I went through on my way to Grand Junction Colorado when I was doing ~90 to stay upright in the rain/crosswinds and blew by a large group of Adventure Tourers huddling together under a bridge. Though the latter group definitely had self-preservation as a reason, not sure what was up with these guys on my way to Prague. In any case, there's a few less riders in the world who think guys who ride Ducati only go to Starbucks and back. :rofl

So...day in the life: Left Vienna, rode through an E. European monsoon, spent an hour taking photos in Resident evil worrying about getting stabbed while taking slippery pictures, then at the end of the day the sun sets near Prague.



I hadn't eaten anything since Austria, nor had I drank anything. Cell phone had cut out long ago, which meant I was navigating blindly. It's fun, but it's a little bit 'where the .... am I headed' strange.

Eventually European cell phone companies will figure out if they want more $$$$ they should make it possible to buy more .... even if you don't speak the local tongue.



In the absence of phone credit--and in fear that Garmin would route me to Atlanta, I just followed road signs, which eventually led to an airport.





Oh yeah....and the food in Hotels in Europe doesn't suck like it does in the US.



I can also get used to beans and eggs and other misc. .... for breakfast for 5 Euros, too.

Wasn't sure what to expect from Prague, but this really solidified a good first impression:





TSA in the USA are like angry meter maids with guns telling you "no parking, no parking" often even if the person you're picking up curbside is 20 feet away, sprinting towards your vehicle and yelling "I'm RIGHT HERE!". Very effective at freeing up parking spots, but not so effective at preventing stupid and evil acts for those who may be so inclined. The Czech Republic doesn't .... around, though. Bet they buy the first RoboCop unit, too. I felt incredibly safe wandering through the airport to find the Vodafone store.

Cities are like dates with women you've never actually met. You hear stories, you see pictures. You form an impression based on all kinds of estimations and guesses. Your imagination runs wild--in positive or negative directions. But mostly it never turns out the way you'd expect. And an expectation can kill an experience, which is why the 'throw a dart at a map' kind of decisions change us the most. Ask someone you know who likes to take vacations once a year where they've been and you'll most likely see a pattern develop. Hell, even think of your own travel decisions. There's typically a pattern, which isn't necessarily bad if your goal is just to sit on a beach and drink for a week. But vacations tend to overlap with one very important time of the year when we can DO ANYTHING WE WANT. It's the one time of year in which we're freed from stresses of work, the burdens of raising a family, or domestic trifles like mowing the lawn or cleaning the gutters. There is no better time than the two weeks a year we get off to do the one thing we put off more than anything else: working on ourself.

Ever notice that when kids are sent away on 'vacation' the focus is on development. But when adults take off, 9/10 times it's just to be lazy in a new environment? Don't want to proselytize too much, but the next time you take time off perhaps consider something out of the ordinary--and consider doing it ALONE. Apprentice with a book binder in Boston, do a week-long race course with Schwantz, take Piano lessons with a Mozart impersonator in Vienna or simply learn how to make beer in your garage.

Anyhow...back to no expectations and cities. Discovery only happens when you wander into the unexpected. That was Prague for me. Yeah, I'd heard great things about it, but ever notice how pretty much everyone says great things about any place they've visited in the same sort of annoying way? It's 1/3 ".... you, ......., I had fun while your life sucked", 1/3 placebo and 1/3 "I made this decision, and can't admit it was a bad one."

The first and the last are easily understood. But I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about vacation placebo effects. An expectation alone is powerful enough to modify us physically--and in an event so complicated and wildly varied as a 7 day holiday, an expectation will not only change how events are perceived, it will continue on to modify which events you recall and which you do not (memories are the second form of rewriting your own history). It's not a bad thing by any means...unless the worst is constantly expected (I suppose it's easy enough to just extend this to every day life--it's why depressed people keep enduring depressing events and why cheerful people seem so god damned lucky that good .... keeps happening).

For a great example of how thoughts can change perception, stare at snow on a TV screen and imagine the little dots going up. Then down. Then clockwise swirls, and so on. About .5 seconds after you're thinking, "move from left to right" they do....

Anyhow, I still don't like going into a city with outstanding expectations even if I know it'll make my stay more pleasant. I try to be as scientific as possible, which is why I can honestly say--with an infallible degree of accuracy--that Prague is a disgusting and ugly, dirty and foul, obscene and drab as any city I've visited. These pictures will surely attest to the fact that it's a place on Earth no one in their right mind would ever want to live or visit:

That SMS you got, was from Vodafone Italy, in Italian, non from Eastern Europe countries

Your right Prague looks horrible....not....lol

HotIce said:

That SMS you got, was from Vodafone Italy, in Italian, non from Eastern Europe countries

Click to expand...

Didn't say it was from an E. European country.

Great stuff as always AntiHero…..

AntiHero said:

Didn't say it was from an E. European country.

Click to expand...

Well, duh! I thought I had read that

The whole, "hey, I have 3G in Vodaphone CZ at the top of the screen" seems to suggest that the messages are coming from CZ, but it's just a tease. The beauty of buying a SIM card in the Czech republic was they sold roaming, which no other provider in the EU does....the only problem was once you receive an incoming call (or, in my case, my cell phone dialed itself while in my bag), you lose all data you purchased. It's as if, on his deathbed, Franz Kafka outlined the way Cell Phones would work in Europe FOREVER!

Speaking of Kafka, I did some following in his footsteps while in Prague. But nothing about the places he lived or the cafe's he frequented (or where he was buried) gave any indication of the kind of absurdity in his fiction.




















The real absurdity was simply Prague itself:












(I found Animal Chin)

Wasn't quite as absurd as "Metamorphoses," but good Mexican food in the Czech Republic? 'twas so:

Couldn't sleep, so went out for a ride in the morning. Police were still guarding the street I was staying on, checking cars for bombs, but didn't seem at all alarmed when I rolled down (after taking the first two pictures) with engine off. I think that if I was on alert a silent 1199 rolling toward me would be more freakish than a turbin-wearing goat herder driving a rusty 72 Toyota pickup. At least you know what to do when you see the latter comin' at ya.





Don't get me wrong, Prague is an incredible city. But if any of my previous posts haven't been clear enough: crowds make everything ugly. To me at least. While wandering Prague during the day I just keep my eyes fixed 10' above the ground. But at night and in the early morning....peace, tranquility, solitude, perfection.









(No one sleeping found my 106 db (at idle) exhaust tranquil.)









Unfortunately in my quest to place my bike in a perfect spot I had to break a few laws. The local police moved in quickly, too....as soon as I arrived on the square they came to give me a good Czech welcome.



The guy driving was super cool. The guy riding shotgun was a little more old school. The old 'good cop, hostile cop' routine.

I didn't get all the shots I wanted in the forbidden zone, but I did get this one:

^ pure awesomeness


BIG THANK YOU for the amazing pics (with the bike in 'em ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well executed, mission accomplished

I can't express how much I hate reading. Cars, motorcycles, sports, music, anything space/universe related...those are my favorite hobbies but I can't stand reading anything about that stuff for maybe a page or two before I lose interest.

Your writing is so visual that even without photos, one can visualize something great by reading your posts. You should write a book and have it published. I'd buy one and actually read it. Probably forcing myself but I'd still read it You should head towards Turkey and visit Istanbul, my birth city. Plus all the history there would compliment your roadtrip and exploration quite well. Plus for my selfish reasons as well lol.

As always, never let down by your posts. When you make it back to the states, you're local so maybe a few of us locals should get together n shoot the ..... Maybe you can even write something about that as well lol.

Keep'em comin. You've got an appreciative audience.

Stay safe.

Aaaaaaawwwweeesssssooooommmmmeeeeeee.....
It became a ritual at home that my GF and me are following your thread! Thank you so much!

Awesome! By the time you are done, I wonder whether your euro-rap sheet will be longer than your travel writings...Godspeed amigo.

You guys are the best. Double0: you're on. And don't think I've forgotten about that painting....

Gecko: your girlfriend is either awesome cause she's humoring you or she's awesome because she actually likes bikes and road trips. Marry her!

Desmobill:You could be right. More nonsense to come (burying knives on the side of the road in France (for later retrieval of course), wondering what the penalty is for carrying 2 grams of hash in my pocket (doh!) after being followed for 20km, then stopped by two of Spain's finest, the boys and girls in blue in Amsterdam, the CZ Republic Gestapo (which we'll meet soon).