Sorry guys when I read this on the facebook thing I thought, gotta post this up. My apologies if it has been posted already.
Dear George,
I have to ask. Are you on drugs? Has someone put drugs in your butter? Did you accidentally sit on a pile of chemicals without any pants on?
You can't just fucken "call on Ducati" to adopt Yamaha's philosophy for bike-building. You can't actually call on Ducati at all. Or haven't you noticed? Matthias has put the whole factory on ....... eBay.
Half the mechanics are learning Mandarin and the other half are burning incense in front of statues of Ganesh.
Lin Jarvis has shat himself. I can hear the ....... laughing from his hotel room, and I'm at the track trying to borrow all the spare telemetry anyone's got.
And we could be in luck. Some kid in Moto2 called Tetsuta Nagashima said you could have whatever his Kalex doesn't need. I think that's what he said. He's Japanese, so he's very polite but quite hard to understand. So I drew him a picture and he gave me an octopus his girlfriend has ...-fantasies about.
Now I have to explain to the mechanics you want them to change their "priorities" and to focus more on "chassis updates". Which, I will admit, is better than when you told them they must throw spears at the Yellow Puta each time he leaves his motorhome.
"Fill the heavens with your Spartan spears," you said. "Blot out the very sun," you said. "I want the Yellow Puta do die shivering in the shadow of Spartan lances."
...., George. Seriously?
But about these chassis updates. You have got to be shitting me. How could you say: "Maybe now we need to change priorities and, apart from continuing to develop the engine, try new types of chassis to make turning easier and make the rider's life easier"?
Tell me on what ....... planet I can get you a new type of chassis from and I will build a ....... spaceship and fly there myself.
Is it near the ....... planet on which Ducati exists solely to make your life easier? I ....... hope so. Because I will visit that planet too.
Petrucci seems to be able turn his Ducati into a corner, and he's riding a model that's older than than the dinosaurs because Matthias hates Italians and told me not give Petrucci anything except old rubbish no-one wants to ride anymore.
And stop with this .... about "winglets". You can't have them on the bike. I told you this earlier. Carlo said he's happy to rivet them to your head or your back, or both, but you can't have any wings on the bike. Or shark fins. Or buttered marmosets with shaved genitals. Or anything.
I am thinking about wedging the octopus into the magic box, though. Can't hurt. Thing looks dead anyway.
Don't be late on Friday.
Regards,
Gigi.
